English Privilege

 I live with a lot of privilege in my life. I always have. I know it's a taboo phrase - especially in the currently polarized political world - but I said what I said. My parents worked hard to help set me up in ways that I can't even articulate. I worked hard to get to this comfortable stage of life too. But I know there are barriers that I was privileged enough to not have to address let alone overcome. 

One of these privileges is learning English as my first, and currently only, language. Wow. I really had no idea until moving overseas that grasping English on a colloquial and professional level was a privilege. 

In southern Italy it is not common for the locals to speak English. I don't expect them to. We are in Italy. I expect them to speak Italian. The number of people who are appalled that locals don't speak English is mind boggling. Most days I am grateful that they don't speak a lot of English because it has pushed me out of my comfort zone and forced a lot of language experiences that I wouldn't otherwise have had. People living in Germany explain that they don't learn much Germany because the locals just switch to English when you stumble in the slightest with the local language. Here you stumble and then learn or stumble again and again and again. Then you learn it and, in reality, stumble again on the same phrase the next time it comes up. A process I've learned to really embrace. 

My first attempt at making gnocchi! I had to ask the fruitivendolo for "patate per gnocchi" because you need old potatoes. He was so happy that I said gnocchi semi correctly but proceeded to laugh at me with his colleague. I had ordered way too many! He had asked me "for how many people" to which I replied two. The next words I understood were "today, tomorrow, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!" Turns out he was commenting that a half kilo of potatoes would make a lot of gnocchi. Of course he was right. Language and food learning for the day, check. 

But despite the fact that English isn't super common in Napoli, I am confident that if I was in a medical crisis or a safety emergency I could find someone that speaks English: at the hospital, police station, on the street. Wherever. English is common enough that in dire straights I would be ok. We have felt this way in each of the countries we've had the pleasure of visiting this past year: 14 countries. 14 countries have had many signs in English, restaurants have had English options, websites have had English choices. English has been an option albeit not usually the first option. 

I can't imagine being a non English proficient visitor from Taiwan, Kenya, Serbia, Brazil, China... the overwhelmingness would be, well overwhelming. Not to say these place don't speak English, or teach English, but you know what I mean. I hope. A few times we've been sitting in a cafe, scan the QR menu, and then click the British flag to see the menu in English. You can usually glance over and see a table of non local speakers, who also don't speak English, doing the double phone shuffle to try and Google Translate one of the languages into their native tongue. And even then your just hoping that Translate gets you close enough to order something. 

Our language acquisition has been very slow. Much slower than it was going to be when I thought about it in my head. Some days I'm so self deprecating about it. "I've been here a year. I should know more!" Other days I'm awash in pride in how far I've come. Some days I don't go to the fruittivendolo because I just don't want to try and interact in Italian. Other days I practice something for a half hour and then go out seeking an interaction to practice. I know this is normal. I also know it's exhausting. I know some people have tackled this process in many languages. Overall, I'm pretty pleased. It is amazing how a single sentence, communicated well, can make you feel so good! I’ve decided that language learning is much like “come backs.” You know when you think of a great come back line but it’s like two hours later? Yah, same with language learning. It’ll be hours later and I’ll be like, “oh! I know those words! I should have said…”

Brian had a lot on his plate with a giant learning curve with a new position, in a new country, travel to Africa, and all the stuff that I can't take off his plate because "I'm just a dependent." (Navy wording). There wasn't a lot of bandwidth left at the end of the day to commit to Italian in any capacity. Then one day he asked to learn the numbers and that has turned into his own streak on Duolingo! Although we are on slightly different learning paths, with different opportunities to interact in Italian, it is so fun to learn new words together! I also think watching him has granted me more grace with myself. When he recognizes a word when we are out and about, I'm so proud of him, and yet I'm hard on myself for not knowing more in the same situation. I am learning to be as proud of myself as I am for others. That's a hard shift in mindset. 

When you ask for "a little basil"

I've also decided that if I'm not fluent when we leave that's ok. I'm going for daily functionality. And by that I mean "me would like one kilo cherries please" or "I can pay gas bill here?" I've never been good at not being good at something 😂 Oh, a new hobby? I'm not immediately great at it? Well it must not be for me 😬 The just “giving up” isn't an option when you have to interact on some level to exist. So, therefore, I've had to accept the state of "not being good at it." I still get very red - and sweaty - when I feel I should know something but don't. There is still very much an awkward silence as I try to translate something in my head and an eternity passes with them looking at me and I finally mutter "non ho capito."  However, the Italians are incredibly patient and kind and supportive of the journey. 

Our fruittivendolo was so supportive of my progress the other day that he went to shake my hand. Or so I thought. He actually went to kiss it while exclaiming, "Sei italiano è bellissimo/your Italian is beautiful!" but there I was going for a formal North American "atta boy" handshake! Some days he won't let me buy something until I repeat it properly ten times. Somedays he forgets he knows me. It's a journey.

One of the cashiers at the grocery store - a mile walk one way - has started both smiling at me AND saying the total slowly and then waiting for me to nod that I understood before swiping my card. 

Our local pizza place knows our standard order but lets me practice saying it anyway and gives us Italian menus. 

I do miss the language practice that walking a fat English bulldog brought. The first words I felt comfortable saying included "he's from Alaska so it's very hot for him," "yes he likes to eat!" and "what's your dog's name, this is Olaf, like from the movie Frozen."

But as rewarding, and ego swelling, as these super minor interactions can be, there are literally days that I just hang out at home because I simply don't want to push my brain. You never think about how tiring simple things can be, until simple things are no longer simple. Most days, on my walks, I don't put earbuds in. I want to hear all the casual chatter around me even if I only catch a single word in a passing phrase. However, some days I just want to blast some 90s music, in English, because it safe, and comfortable, and known. 

June 26 2022 on the Chacho family trip to Italy - premove. We went to lunch on our own in Bologna and this was the first meal that we got Italian menus and didn't use Google Translate. Brian had some sort of meatball and I had a ragù. It was the start of something new:)

I also remember being told in school how hard English is for people to learn. I'm not sure I believe that anymore. Sure it is hard. Language learning IS hard. But when you speak to people who learned it as a second language I am shocked at how easy they say it was to pick up. 

Of course there is the added benefit that other countries put great value on the populace learning multiple languages. I really don't understand why compulsory second language learning isn't a thing in the US. Kiniiya was having so much fun learning a few Italian words with us before we moved. Came so easy to her, then, 5 year old self. I'm in awe of some people who speak 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 languages! Then I remember their system values that type of education. Instead of their people going viral for yelling, "We SpEaK eNgLiSh hErE" they were taught the utility and value of other languages. And it shows. It's pretty humbling to sit down at a central European restaurant and have the waiter ask what language you prefer... in four different tongues! 

Many words in Italian are so close with vastly different meanings (looking at you penne, pene, and penna!) It's frustrating and embarrassing when you get them mixed up. But then you remember English is the same way!

So a long post to say, I feel so privileged to have English as my first language. It has opened doors for me that I didn't' even realize. While this process of moving overseas has had a lot of challenges I can only imagine how many more there would have been if my primary language wasn't English. There are 380 million native English speakers. 1 billion ish know English as an additional language. It's the language of most business, travel, and international relations. English is the most common official language in the world. I had the privilege of just growing up learning it.

And now it's a privilege to get the opportunity to learn another language even if it is in fragmented, present tense, toddler level bite sized portions.

Italian has been hard for me but in an "apparently learning news things can actually be appealing" kind of way. I'm embracing the language journey now so much more so than when I put expectation on myself to learn the language. Now when we see cows we both exclaim "mucca!" and we wish each other good luck with a "buona fortuna" or if we are feeling spicy, a "in culo alla balena!"