Making Noise in the New Quiet

 It's been two+ weeks since we said arrivederci to Olaf doggy. Brian had to TDY to Djibouti less than 48hrs later. The house has been quiet. I'm baffled how a dog that rarely barked can leave such silence behind (ok, not that baffled, the constant snort, snores, and farts were rather loud!)

Really grateful for the overload of pictures modern tech gives us. I thought they might make me sad but rather they make smile and feel so grateful for his trust and loyalty. He truly made a mental health difference for me this past year. 

I allowed myself to embrace the silence for a week. There were a few days I think I ate crackers from the pantry rather than go outside and potentially face the neighbours. The thought of trying to find the Italian words to explain what happened to our genuinely kind vicini was too much. After a week it was time to make some noise for myself. 

First smiles in a week. The sun was warm and refreshing.

Pizza can make dark situations better! Yes, Brian is TDY, that's two pizzas for me🫣

For an unemployed person, who no longer finds herself hauling a 50lb dog up and down the stairs multiple times a day and setting alarms for peanut butter spoons full of medication, I had a pretty busy week! The kind of week that is exhausting in all the right ways, provides ideal distractions, and creates just the right amount of noise. 

Curling took its rightful spring time place on multiple screens. At night, when the bedroom was far too quiet, I fell asleep to the familiar hollering of "sweep" and "whoa" and "go." I woke up in the middle of night to turn it on, or, as happened many nights, I was already up. In two weeks I've watched dozens of games from the US Mixed Doubles Nationals, the Canadian Men's Nationals, Arctic Winter Games, AK Mixed Playdowns, Anchorage Doubles, and now Women's Worlds. I've cheered for underdogs (Go McEwen!), family friends (Go Vicky!) entire states (Go Alaska!), wedding speech givers (Go Jon!) and life longfriends (Go Liz!). And there was significant comfort in each game.

Previous journeys through grief have taught me that movement is powerful. I went for my first run in a long time and it felt empowering...the next day not so much...thus the pizza! 

A phone call to Jackie and Ed to clarify something about their trip led to a two hour conversation with Kiniiya. She read me books and told me about school. She had me tell a rambling story about randomness and seemed genuinely on the edge of her seat (thanks dad for the random story telling gift!). She brought out every single stuffed animal in the house so I could check in on them. She was especially excited to show me her giraffes, who migrated from my classroom to her crib when she was an infant. She would have hung out with me all night but at 6 she didn't understand that it was well after midnight here even if it was afternoon snack time for her. She bragged - and tattled - on her brother who was taking in the new Kung Foo Panda movie with Matt and Gen. Her curiosity, smile, and confidence really warmed me up in a hard to define way but in a much needed one. 

I got to say hello to each of her stuffy friends. This one she brought out because "monkeys are Uncle Brian's favourtie!" This small human has so much empathy.

I went on a self guided walking tour with other Pozzuoli Townsies as we wandered around downtown sharing our favourite highlights. I gobbled up a ricotta stuffed pizza and shared spritzes with new, and established, friends. As everyone else caught the trains back to Pozzuoli, I made the pilgrimage to pick Olaf's cremains up from the vet. I could have taken a metro relatively close but instead I walked up the Vomero hill stairs and wandered down narrow sidestreets for miles. It was perfect and peaceful albeit noisy because there isn't a nook or cranny of this city that isn't loud with vespas zooming and cars honking 😂 As I left the vet, and headed towards my train for home, it softly started to rain. Poetic and perfect. 

More pizza, because...Napoli! Each of these people are dog lovers too so it was wonderful to share love and laughter about our doggo companions. 

So many stairs up Vomero. I could have taken the funiculare but, again, experience informed me of the value of movement. As I went to pick Olaf up, I know he would have enjoyed the walk. 

Midweek I found myself on a part of the ancient Roman Appian Way. Another Pozzuoli lady outing (so grateful for people that enjoy driving here, have the means, and the patience to take others). We met up with others, and most importantly, a PhD archaeologist. Getting out of town and into nature felt cleansing and my brain appreciate the historical stories and questions with such a good resource available. The Appian Way was one of the earliest, and most important Roman "highways" leading from Rome toward the heel of the boot. I learned about the different kinds of stones, Roman concrete, battles, and culture. Fresh air, scenery, and nature's silence are always healing. 

Our archaeological guide wrote a book about this section of the Appian Way and we got copies today!

The white stone in the foreground is original from about 200 years before the birth of Jesus! But the material wore easily and most were replaced by the darker stones but that was still nearly 1800 years ago!

This part of the Appian is between the towns of Fondi and Itri. This is an ancient marker shower travelers that they had just crossed the boundary between the two. 

To celebrate International Women's Day, a group of ladies and I went to a local woman owned restaurant. We had a delicious tasting menu paired with good wine and better yet, intellectual, and genuine conversation. I left behind some incredibly strong women who have built me up over the years. Who supported me and in return I cheer them on full heartedly. I miss them. But I'm growing those relationships here and every woman needs more women in her life!

While my week of forcing myself to be social and active was helping nothing could beat the highlight of the week: NPHS came to Italy! When we moved, Brendy had already been planning on bringing students to Rome and Pompeii. I was so excited about the prospect of seeing them and sharing a small part of my new life, that this time LAST YEAR I was ready to go to Pompeii to meet them (like for real, I can imagine Brendy's confusion when she was like "you know it's next year right?!" I chalk it up to timezones and life upheaval!) 

I hadn't been to this particular spot before! Like everything in our Italian life, I learn something new with each visit to now familiar spots. Made me think of the many memes I would show about Caesar's death.

With the house so quiet and empty my days were less bound to medication timing and bathroom routines, so I decided to go to Rome to meet them for the afternoon! Brian is always, rightfully, concerned about me navigating on my own. The planning I can do very well but then I could also get lost going down our street! I got myself to Rome, and on a different, less expensive, trainline and to the Colosseo. I wish someone had recorded the moment that I saw Mike in the crowd and ran that way - Brendy running to me - and a biggest bestest embrace in front of the Colosseum! With each family and friend visit a small part of my heart is restored. I cried, duh, and then I was invited to spend the day exploring Rome with wide eyed teenagers and their families (literally wide eyed because they had just landed the night before!) I got hugs and highfives from kids, heard "Ms Snider" for the first time in 15 months, and got life updates. I left before dinner to make sure I got back to the Cumana before it stopped running to home: 3.5hrs from our front door to them and then back again but 100% totally worth it!

I was smiling ALL day long! The gift that Brendy is giving these kids is incredible. My life changed on my first EF trip. I'm not sure I would have been brave enough to move around the world without the experiences that were sowed on that trip. 

Always "my boss!" Mary Ward really guided me when I started my education career as a student teacher and then a building sub. 

Slightly grateful it is only spring. Had these hugs happened in a month I'd be fare too self consciously sweaty! 🥵

I also met them in Pompeii. There's something about sharing Pompeii with guests that really lights me up. It was so important to me to see it, that we made an entire extension to our first Italy trip before moving just so I could see Pompeii! Now it's on every guests list and I have yet to tire of wandering around the streets of Pompeii and have picked up some new archaeological or historical tidbit each time. I again cried as they drove away in their motorcoach, bound for Bari, and an overnight ferry to Greece. At the end of the day I received what might be my last note from a student with genuine thanks and accolades. I sat on the train platform and read it. I expected more tears, but I was oddly at peace. I've missed teaching so much in the last year: connecting with students, laughing with them *and sometimes at them,* the aha moments, the life advice, the realization that history isn't boring, and the awareness that politics is everywhere. I've cried a lot of tears in the last year over the loss of my career and with it a huge part of my identity. But in this moment - reading this letter from a student - I felt personal growth I haven't felt in that field all year. I'm very proud of what I accomplished in 16 year of working with kids, and the difference I know I made, but I'm also finally at peace with what is next. I could see student worldviews expanding in front of me and I know that I'm privledge to personally get that experience everyday in my new life here. And I'm grateful. 

Our own travel aside, this week has been one of the busiest since moving. I've walked an average of 11 miles a day and left the house in crisp morning air and haven't returned until after the sun sets. It started as a way to avoid the new normal at home and fill the day with tasks and noise. While I wish I had to rush home to let Olaf out (and by that I mean carry him down four flights of stairs!) I think this sense of calm and, sad, but welcomed, peace is yet another gift he's given me. Now for Brian to return from Africa and to begin finding his new normal as well. 

I've received a lot of notes from students over the years. I have every last one of them. This one felt final and complete and full circle. It's a privilege that is not lost on me to have the trust and love of young adults. 

A sundog this week felt like a message from Olaf. There are bright days ahead. It's ok to think of him when I see some pigeons he could chase or when I open a snack and expect to see him appear. It's ok to mourn and be sad and it's ok to be happy too.