The Other Side of the Coin

 I’ve been stalling writing because life has been a bit overwhelming. We are stuck in a world of awe and frustration. I’ve been worried that writing about the realities of moving and living here will make me sound like I don’t recognize the opportunity we’ve been given. But life hasn’t been easy. In the slightest. Some of the challenges are simple PCS challenges and others, we are told, are unique to the Italian brand of indifference, bureaucracy, and “va bene” attitude. In an effort to be transparent I’ve decided to also write about that side of moving to Italy. The part where we exist in a fairytale with nightmare moments. 

All of the annotates that can illustrate our daily frustrations are really hard to do justice to the story. It is a combination of the million small obstacles that leave us exhausted on many levels. Literally every step of getting here, getting paperwork, renting an apartment, buying a car, and Brian learning his job have presented a litany of unexpected challenges on top of the language and cultural barriers. The validation has really come from others who are here and feeling the same WTF moments.

Notes and drawings from Kiniiya and Lukahelped bring unicorn inspired smiles this day!

Example 1: Buying a Vehicle

In Italy you have to have a car that is registered to the AFI system (Armed Forces Italy) meaning it can’t just be a regular Italy car. Once it is in the AFI system that is where it stays. So the pool of cars to choose from is limited and since we came at a non traditional PCS time there weren’t people leaving and looking to ditch their cars. We were running out of time and decided to buy a new car (the North Pole house selling was helpful in this financial decision!) They are cheaper here and she is US spec meaning that we can take it back to the States with us when we leave. (Read: Brian’s commuter car will be my new car when we go home:) So we are now Mini Cooper owners! Typical of Italy, it’s been a bit of a disaster. The car somehow got off the assembly line without standard software installed. In theory this should be a matter of getting to the BMW/Mini dealer locally and having them install it. In the states dealerships would be bending over backwards to appease the consumer. But this is Italy and nothing seemingly simple ever is. 

She's still nameless but Olaf wanted to go for a spin right away! Prayers for safe driving experiences in Naples where the road rules are made up and so are the lanes!

The military dealer that sold it to us  is like “va bene.” 🤷‍♀️The US based corporate offices don’t think it’s their issue even though it’s a US spec car. On the phone the local dealer said “sure come in.” So we did. We live in Italy and expecting people to speak English is ethnocentric at best. BUT, many restaurant servers speak English we’d expect a large, expensive, car dealership with representatives on multiple continents to have someone that we could communicate with. They eventually think it sounds like an easy fix and tell us to come back on Tuesday. So Brian goes back that day after work to then be told they can now schedule an appointment that may or may not fix the problem. The appointment is for June. They’ll need the car all day even though it’s just a software issue and they won’t give us a rental. They forgot to put necessary software on the vehicle and it is has now cost us multiple trips to the dealer, time of work, an eventual car rental, late night calls to the States and it “might address the issue.” In over a month. And that’s just the software issue. The back and forth to get AFI registration, road taxes, and insurance not excluded from the headache. 

My first spin around the block!

Example 2: Permits to Live Here

We thought the process of getting our Official Passports and Italian Visas were long and convoluted but it was just the beginning. You have to apply for Sojourner’s Permits once arriving which allows you to stay longer than a year. We did. We didn’t hear from them for a few weeks, which is per normal here, so when we called and asked what was up, they literally said, “don’t even ask for another three weeks.” Va bene. Three weeks later, nothing. Brian goes into to inquire because this paperwork is the difference between being in country illegally and being able to stay for years. The chick gives him attitude about him filling the form out wrong so they didn’t contact us. Honestly, with the mirage of forms this seemed entirely probable but no. Turns out she had literally typed his email wrong so sent our appointment into the void of cyberspace. This was Brian’s fault as he got reemed up one side and down the other even though the form has the correct email and she just typed it in wrong. Va bene. So we are literally months behind on the papers that allow us to stay but should be on the right track now. If we hadn’t followed up after their arbitrary “don’t ask” command I could have ended up a Naturalized US Citizen illegally emigrated to Italy 😂 Va bene.

We know that on the worst of days we can go to AdHoc and get a wheel of cheese🧀😋

Example 3: Rent & Utility Payments

We have an apartment! (Post to come) but the process of being good renters is Italian style complicated. We pay our rent directly from Brian’s government allowance to the landlord’s bank. But she is responsible for paying for our water consumption per the agreements between the governments. Essentially the Mafia did some shaddy illegal dumping years ago and not all the water is safe to drink in Naples. It’s fine for small consumption, washing dishes, and brushing your teeth level activities but when quenching a thirst, making rice, or boiling pasta it really should be bottled water. Landlords are responsible for paying so much per person per day. We opted to have a large water dispenser and delivered jugs. So we pay that upfront to the vender, then send the receipt to the landlord, who will then pay us back. That’s after having to physically go to the store to request the delivery prior to running out of water. It’s not a consistent delivery so it can’t just come off of rent. You pay - we pay - I pay - who pays? In addition, our gas bill is in the landlord’s name, but paid by us, so she gets the bill, sends it to us, I go to the local “Tabaccheria” and pay the bill where they sometimes do and sometimes don’t take American credit cards. But electricity is paid by us through a vender on one of the bases and has to be paid IN PERSON every two months. *checks watch to check the decade* We sold a house, paid off a mortgage, and coordinated the net profit entirely online but we can’t pay our electric bill without driving 40 minutes one way?! His gas card to avoid paying Italian taxes on car gasoline has to be renewed monthly in person and his toll Express Lane device has to be paid at a different place “occasionally.” What in the Italian hell?! In addition, Brian’s allowances for these bills is based on Euros and it fluctuates based on the Euro to Dollar conversions so we never actually know how much the military will cover and how much we will need to cover. This is just the living here situation and doesn’t include the $10,000+ we’ve had to pay in cash to get and live here until now that there is additional paperwork to get reimbursed for 😂 Va bene. 

Boxes from family and friends are always fun!

I think ultimately we are both developing more patience than we ever knew we were capable of. Literally Brian comes home everyday with a look that just screams “guess what went wrong today.” After detailing the issue we’ve started also saying “va bene” and having some wine. Which is an issue because the circle of incompetence and indifference continues. What has been really challenging is that we haven’t felt that we can accurately communicate these frustrations to those we would normally decompress with. We are very conscious of what venting and decompressing will sound like while we sit on our terrace, looking at Capri island, and sip local wines - whiney and ungrateful to the outside ear. Ultimately I decided to write this blog as a way to help process and document the good and the bad and the new. I miss feeling in control. At school my to-do-list was never complete. I felt out of control all the time but in a very controlled way: I knew what needed to be done, and how to do it, it was just a matter of time and life balance. Here, we don’t even know what delays to expect or what obstacles to try and avoid. I’m not use to feeling out of control.

Alaska bad days were cured by puppy cuddles as are Italian ones!

The last few months of have been very overwhelming. Now that we are in our apartment, Brian is adjusting to the nuances of his job, and we are learning to predict obstacles in general, even if we don’t know what they are, the realities that come with living in Italy are starting to feel more tangible. Everyday feels slightly less overwhelming. I’m ready to share some of the cultural observations on a more regular basis. The va bene"ness” of Naples must be contagious even if we were slow to adopt it. 

The representation of "va beneness" I'm not looking for sympathy here. I know how great this is but know it isn't all wine, pasta, and beach air:)